My inbox has been full of it this week. Worries, Tears. Tantrums and then some. Everyone’s version of the same problem. Know you are not alone and we are all hear to listen, support and provide cake/wine/tea or a cushion virtually unless we live close by!
We’re nearly three weeks into the new term now. Have you noticed it yet?
I mean actually noticed it, not just clocked that today was slightly less bad than yesterday. Look past the tears. Past the clinging to your leg. The shouting, the tantrums, the anxiety, the worry over whether they’ll ever settle. Past the kind words you keep giving the parents at the door, the reassurance, while you’re secretly wondering whether this one’s actually going to fit.
And then there it is. A bit of quiet. A smile. They move a little way from your leg, all by themselves, nobody asked them to. And you breathe out and you smile too. Yes. There it was. That’s the glimmer. That’s the bit that tells you there’s a light at the end of the long, noisy tunnel.
Not every child settles in three days. Some don’t settle in three weeks. Some take longer than that, some need real extra support to get there, and some, honestly, just aren’t meant to be with you, and that’s not a failure on your part or theirs. Knowing which one you’re dealing with starts a long time before the first tear, at the very first meeting, if you ask the right curious questions. This helps with Childminder Settling In.
I ask three.
Do they have a routine at home? Not because I need to copy it exactly, but because it tells me how much of what happens here is going to feel completely new to them.
Have they been anywhere without their parents before? A playgroup, a grandparent’s, anything. It tells me whether “mummy or daddy isn’t in the room” is a familiar feeling or a brand new one.
How nervous or worried are you about leaving them? This is the one that matters most. Parent anxiety spills over into little people far more than we like to admit, especially when they’re small. A parent who’s dreading drop off, even if they’re hiding it well, tends to hand that dread straight to their child without meaning to.
There are so many small pieces that need to fit together to get the full picture. That’s why I ask before they’ve even started, not after.
If you’re in the noisy middle of it right now, take a breath. It will most likely calm. Going outside helps more than people expect, the noise gets smaller once it’s got somewhere to go. And remember, you’ve very likely done this exact thing before, with the two little tearaways who are currently having the time of their lives, hands clamped over their ears, asking you when the noise is going to stop.
Look at them now.
Claire x
I wrote a lot more about this fortnight in the Autumn Anniversary Issue, the messy, honest version of settling in.